September

As with many things, change becomes more palpable to us as we spend more time with it; either that or we just get sick of thinking and talking about how much we hate it. As much as things have changed over the couple of weeks since I last posted, they have remained consistently tumultuous.

Mama Marian is in the best of hands at McLean, where she has been since discharging from the hospital on the 20th of August. Although we have had to bite, scratch, kick, and claw our way through at times, we have had some very willing collaborators at McLean, and that has made all the difference. We have thus far received 20 days of Blue Cross and Blue Shield's blessing for Mom to be treated as a "Skilled Nursing" patient at McLean and therefore have not yet had to sacrifice any of her most precious Hospice benefits. The value of this is largely understated, as her lifetime cap on Hospice amounts to only 38 days of inpatient care, whereas she is technically eligible for 140 days of Skilled Nursing care. At over $600 per day, we have considered selling life insurance plans, our homes, and our souls for more time.

After everything, it seems Mom is the most content in a nursing home. She has a private room with a sliding glass door facing the woods and an entourage of fabulous people able and willing to help make her the most comfortable. This, at times, is quite a feat, as Mama Marian continues to have extreme pain, restlessness, and agitation at times and her sleep "patterns" are about as varied as medications she has been prescribed.

Dad visits two to three times each day and typically eats breakfast with her, takes her outside in her rolling chair, and advocates for her 24/7. Jeff, Dou, and Lorien came for about a week and left this past Monday after spending lots of time visiting with Mama Marian and even taking her home for a couple of hours with Dad that Friday afternoon. And Mom has had visitors galore from friends, family, and co-workers. She even had a spa treatment, courtesy of some very good friends from Canton (including a pedicure of which I am very jealous!)

For much of the time, Mama Marian has been in good spirits. We do not know what is going on with the tumor because it has been weeks since she has had any kind of scan, but it is somewhat irrelevant these days. Jody, Indiana, and I are here visiting this weekend and were able to spend some time with Mom between some hours of much needed sleep yesterday (for her and, as it turns out, for me too!) Mom continues to crack us up on a regular basis. According to Dou, she revealed some information a week or so ago and let everyone in on her big secret... She apparently announced that she had something to tell everyone and followed this with a very lucid declaration that she is a lesbian. Who knew? Dad is still considering writing down some of Mom's best quotes over the last couple of months, but we can't seem to remember the majority of them.

It is difficult to see her like this sometimes, even when she seems content and restful. She cannot do anything for herself anymore (standing, sitting, transferring, bathing, eating, drinking, etc...) and it seems that her bladder has gone on strike, so she has a catheter all of the time now. Mom did develop a horrible UTI that, although I was unaware this was even possible, was viral and required visitors to gown-up before they came into her room! However, this seems to be on its way out.

Two of Mama Marian's best friends from childhood, Ellen and Mika, came to visit this past week and spent two whole days with Mom. I mentioned this to her yesterday and she said, "yes it was wonderful!" She has also had a visit from her cousins, Denny and Char, and their beautiful golden retriever, Rusty. Animals are a valued commodity at McLean and are welcomed by the staff and the majority of the residents as well. Indy made his rounds yesterday, visited the nurses, the coy pond, and even the chapel!

Again, I cannot say enough about how much of a difference people (and pets!) continue to make for Mama Marian and for all of us. Mom continues to receive mail, even directly to her room at McLean, and the outpouring of visitors astounds me! As much as these changes continue to wear at us, they are softened by the support and love of those around us all.